My lie...

The thing has been sorted up a little so maybe in a few days I can tell my friends the whole truth, but there's this feeling of afraid. I think I've lied too much. Well, not fully lying but people had sent me their support...somehow it's just weird if suddenly I told the truth. It's not as BIG as they might think and I can say that they might disappointed.

Anyway, I warned you, don't be surprised and well, I'm not fully lying so forgive me...

- so damn guilty -

The story of my life

This post is dedicated to those who want to know what happen recently.

I can't tell the whole story but, 1 thing that I can say is: We're not breaking up because of 3rd person or such. Shit just happen, and that's that.
Okay, maybe that's not really clear but I can't tell much. I will have to sort out this problem first. Later on, I will upload it in this blog.

Remember, we DO NOT break up because we wanted to but we HAVE TO.

= so sad cause the skirt is too tight. maybe a few days of diet will do? =

It's weird

Somehow everything seems so weird. In relationship = in contact is just an obligation, just friend = somehow I feel like contacting you. Human is so complicated.

Lately, I've been thinking. The more I think, the more I have negative thoughts. The burden that I have become heavier as I continued to lie. Is this the correct decision? I don't know. Few things that I think I can be sure of are:
1. he never lies to me, therefore I can try to believe him
2. his mental is not strong
3. his life is so mixed up
4. I am a strong girl
5. I am a stupid girl
6. I am a naive girl
7. I am clueless
8. I have a lot of good friends therefore I can be strong.

- Though I know I lie, though I know I cannot speak the truth, thank you for everybody's kindness -

= Not in happy mood but not sad at all =

'cause I know I can be strong

Overcoming 1 of the things that I feared the most is not as hard as I thought. 2 days crying and...puff....I felt nothing. Honestly, in a sense, I think I'm being to indifferent but maybe that's because we have a silly reason for breaking up. I kept thinking that the reason is just.....so strange that I feel so angry. I wanted to pour my anger to him but I can't do that. I wanted to tell him that he is so weak but I know it's not his fault. If I was in the same situation, I might do the same or might not. I almost never let my feeling of anger and disappointment hinder my brain when it comes to study. Maybe that's what keeping me from failing my subjects (exception for DWDS). Anyway, I can't blame him for everything because I WAS the cause of his failure in the first place. Somewhere in my heart, my weak mind keep telling me that he has no feeling for me anymore but I tried to ignore it. I know it'll make thing worse, at least for me it will. I was scared, I was hurt, I was disappointed but I can do nothing. I let him do whatever he want. If everything can't be fixed, then so be it. I will try to accept it...cause I know...I am strong...and even if I am weak, I will try to be strong...

- I thank Mr. Sunshine for his kindness -
- I thank Isacc and Otou-sama for their attention for me -

- Still not in the best mood but better than yesterday ;) -

Shit happen in my life

Broke up, those are 2 simple words that I believe I will never have in my life, but...shit does happen. I broke up....

I cried...

I cried...

AND I cried...

Honestly, I'm so damn hurt. When he told me that, I felt a hammer was hitting my head. I don't believe it. WHOEVER (and I believe that you guys, my friends will) read this, please just don't ask me why, unless u wanna see me cry in front of u!! (I'm giving u a warning!)

= I curse those assholes who made us break up! =

= in shitty mode =

Do you know me?

Hancur image w *nangis darah* gara2 crazy dog, alias dog no.4! Emank sich w rada emosian waktu bicara n kalo w uda 'lepas kontrol' w bakalan ngomong nonsense, tapi w ngak nyangka bakalan bisa terkenal. Haruskah w bangga??? Kayaknya sich w terkenal sebagai orang menakutkan. Noooooo!!!!! *teriakan hati*
Sebenarnya w merasa yg gw bilang tuh biasa2 aja sich, tapi ntah kenapa yg lain tidak berpikir begitu. Ah...hancurlah sudah image anak baikku... *macamnya benar aja :P*

Beberapa hari yg lalu Feli datang n tentu saja tujuan utama pastinya DDR XD. Di sunway, w ketemu 1 cowo jago maen DDR. Pas w fail di lagunya "A" yg level 8 (heavy mode) dia dgn sengaja ngambil lagu yg sama. Sok banget. Emank sih dia bisa pass tapi kan ngak perlu pamer gt. Parah deh...

Ahhhhh kenapa minggu2 terakhir ini situasinya parah2 m'ulu!!!!!! Stresssssss

= butet in stress mode =

Damn SeMeKot no.2!!!

Everything was ruined by the damn SeMeKot no.2! I thought I can have fun at Genting, but who knew there was a nuisance there? Akot always stood silently and stared at us (which is creepy), then when my bro wanted to buy a phone card, he insisted his XL (which i dunno how to configure) to be configured by me though i said i couldn't, then whenever we wanted to buy things, he would say that he wanted it too but never want to buy 'em himself. He called my Dyana here and Dyana there, honestly, that was so damn annoying!!!! He is even shorter than SeMeKot no.1!!! Darn SeMeKot!!!!! The hell with all SeMeKot!!!!!

=so damn piss off right now=

How to create a pool of tears in your room

Today Jen, Dan, Nella & (the ugly :p) Mahe came to my house to study. Though I said study, mostly what we did is chatting. That's when I asked Jen n Mahe about Crisis core. After some of their 'spoilers' I couldn't hold the urge for having more spoilers. Thus, I went to youtube and found the ending.

Yes, that's how you create a small pool of tears in your own room! I cried the hell out of me!!! It hurt so much to see Zack die!!!!! I know Zack dies (I've played FF7 before) but then, Square doesn't have to create Crisis Core. The game actually make me love him more than Aerith! Therefore:
I hate Square for creating Crisis Core and make me fall in love with Zack

I hate Square for killing Zack

I hate Square for creating a lot of 'bishies' and kill them eventually (not only Zack, but Tidus too, though they did create a sequel where you can get him back)

I hate Square for creating such a great game

I hate Square for creating such a touching story

I HATE Square for making me fall in love with FF Series, their characters and songs!!!


= Currently wiping off the pool before anyone came into the room and slap my face :P =

Kono kimochi wa, boku no "AI".... kamo ....

Random thought in the old apartment...

I sat on the sofa near the window, looking at the blue sky outside. I was thinking, the cloud swam so freely in the sky...Was the cloud always spent its time flew in the sky? Couldn't it feel bored?

The wind blew through the window I opened widely, I felt it, then again, I wondered, was the cloud moved because of the wind? Yes, I told myself. I picked flower petals from the veranda, threw them from the 17th floor. I lived in an apartment.

The petals slowly flew further. The wind, again I told myself. I closed my eyes, imagining, if I was the petals, will I feel afraid? I laughed, I will scream.

I sat back on the sofa, looking at the sky. Why human life is so boring, always repeating the same activities, again and again, my friend complained yesterday. Again I lost in my thought. I smiled and told myself,
“Life is not boring at all. no day that is the same. Today is different from yesterday even though what you did is the same. As time passing by, you will realize that every thing you see is not the same at all. They may be similar but they won’t be the same. Try to understand and appreciate those feelings and you will see a whole new world.”

***
Those are my writing back then in my old apartment. Just a random thought but...I like it.

= Everything in this world is different depends on how you see it =

Indo is in chaos?

This morning my sis text me. She told me not to send any messages to my mom cause she would turn her hand-phone off. If someone told u that, of course (and very of course), u will ask 'why'? For my surprise (plus shock and fear), Indo currently is in chaotic situation. Currently, there are a rumor spreading around, hand-phone screen turns red, those who received the call will die. It really reminds me of 'One miss call' horror movie. Rumor said it is the work of 'spiritual being'. When the screen turns red, u can see the number of 0866 or 0666 (which they said the number of devil - 666).
I've made some research regarding that. The result is:
1. Indo's occult world has taken a BRAND and GRAND new way to kill with technology
2. SIM card companies in indo is jealous of AXIS (the provider for 0866 & 0666 phone numbers) which I assume it is more likely 'getting rid of future possible threat' than jealousy over a new company, thus spreading a nonsense rumor
3. Same reason as the 2nd but different method to eliminate. Based on my research, some websites and blogs said that the red screen was an effect of infrared light. Using the call, someone sent a high density of infrared. Those who were exposed directly, though may not die almost immediately, would have a high chance of getting cancer.

From all 3 results I got, the most logical will be the 2nd but there are some victims confirmed (from newspaper, but I doubt the truth. The newspaper I read was not a good newspaper anyway). The 3rd option seemingly scientific but I don't understand how they could sent infrared through cellphone wave? The 1st option, well, it depends on do you want to believe or not.

Oh well, Indo companies are a true mess and chaos....

= They ruin my love-love mood!!! They ruin my beloved 'day' =
















Yes!!! And it applies to the business world in this twisted world!

Hopefully a beautiful day

I wish today will be a great day...

I hope today will be a day full of happiness...

I hope today will be my lucky day....

I wish today will be an interesting day...

I hope today I will be happy...

I wish today 'he' will be happy...

I hope today 'we' will be happy...

I wish for everybody's happiness because I'm happy...

For today is 'our' happy day....

= in love-love mood =

















Yes!!! That is what I WILL do!!!! B'coz I'm evil!!! Bwahhahahahahah XD

Stupid APIIT!!!!

"Hey, u can't wear short pant here!", that's what the stupid old geezer told me this evening. What's the hell wrong with wearing short pant?! It's not that I'm wearing swimsuit or bikini! What about those who wear mini skirt?! (jeans some more!!!) :(

Hell, I don't care anymore..... (at least I was waving arrogantly when he told me that ^_^ )

= assignment mode =

I send my prayer to you, my friend. I hope you'll get better soon....







x being normal doesn't mean that you are useless

When despair comes to my life

....Just as the title stated. I'm so...into disappointment and despair today. I wish May will come soon, take me to a heaven called Redang (or is it not? whatever...) and then I can forget all problems that I have....but...in the end....I'm just running away.....


= My current mood =








- *sigh* whatever -















- HOLY SHIT!!
THEY ARE GAY!!! -

Stressful can be Harmful and Painful

Most people find stress to be annoying (and mostly become more stress when they acknowledge it) but in my case, stress is a source of different PoV. Mostly, when I become stressed (especially when I have problem in my relationship life) I can do quite well in test or exam. Not to say I like being stressed but it is what happen in the reality of my very life. My friends used to tell me that I'm so cold (or cool, or whatsoever, you name it). I rarely show my emotion (except hungry n happy) but for those who know me (or observant enough) they might know that when I'm angry, sad or stress, I become more silent than usual. My life is an easygoing type but when I'm in trouble, it will become messy...

For today, I'm grateful to anyone who have made me stress.

For today, I thanked ShanShang & Linda for cooking spaghetti for me =D

For today, I thanked Angel for accompanying me to swim =3

For today, I thanked myself for all the hard-works this week =)

For today, I thanked anyone.....


= world is beautiful if you think positively =

When aliens invade our earth...

Have you ever thought about, "what if aliens invade earth"? I don't care if you do, but I do, and that's what I'm thinking right now. If aliens really invade earth, first, they'll try to communicate (assume they won't eat you or turn you into frog the moment they see you). What will they say then? This is my assumption:
1. they will learn our language since they have much higher intelligent level (another assumption that their brain level is not worm's brain)
2. they will try to communicate with us.

Another question, what kind of words will they use? In my imagination (based on my current situation) the message will look like this:

input_speech, n
output_answer, invasion
negotiation=1;
for(his_speech=2; his_speech<=n; his_speech++){
for(my_speech=2; my_speech<=n; my_speech++){
if [communication (z/i)!= connected] {
stop_taking_and_turn_human_to_roach;
}
if his_speech=my_speech then{
negotiation=negotiation+successful;
}
endif
}
for (talking=1; talking <= (negotiation+unsuccessful); talking++){
return (invasion[talking]);
}

After reading this message, I begin to realize, Mr. Saw is an alien and he had brainwashed me (and all of my pitiful classmates) into half alien now.....


= My world spinning around =

The stupid dog no.3

As if the number of dogs are not enough in APIIT, 1 stupid guy had been added to the list. The dumbass really needs to be kicked, chopped, stewed (which I think no one would dare to eat it), slapped, whatsoever thingy I would want to do. The stupid asshole, f*cking dog dare to ignore ME while I speak with him!!! That alone is enough for me to hate him forever! I will NEVER EVER EVERRR speak with him anymore!

Put aside the dog, I was cooking my dinner (just now) and thanks to my roomie for keeping me busy with her...well....laptop, I burnt my dinner!

Cute aren't they =3
The blackness covers the white and golden skin, making the golden skin shines like moonlight in the darkness of night....
My, such a masterpiece!!! *I guess I hit my head when taking a nap this afternoon, so don't mind the stupid poem =P*

Anyway, exam and submission of assignments draw near! Ganbatte, atashi to tomodachi yo!!!